September 9, 2009

"…but Achilles slept in a recess of the firm-wrought hut, and beside him lay fair-cheeked Briseis"

Briseis is a strong and ghostly character. Her voice is non-existent but she greatly impacts the Trojan War. Briseis was Achilles slave. She was a war prize. Briseis was a status symbol to Achilles. To have a slave was a status of worth. To have a slave meant you had value. All great warriors had slaves. But Achilles was a complex character and it is fair to suppose that Briseis meant more to him than chattel.

When I first read the Iliad I was 20 and my mind obsessed over Briseis. I thought how grand it must be to be Achilles slave. Achilles was mentally and physically powerful and to be enslaved to a powerful man seemed hypnotic. But I rebelled against the idea. I fought against feelings of arousal. I was, after all, a strong proponent of human rights and women's rights (not there should be a difference between the two). But being a slave privately or sexually and being a slave publicly are two very different things. I was young and still learning that what occurred behind closed doors did not have to occur when the doors were open.

I have heard the statement that holding two opposing ideas in your head and still being able to function is a sign of intelligence. But what if you do two opposing things, are you in line for the Nobel? It would take me almost fourteen years before I would start exploring being a slave. What was I doing during those 14 years? Being indecisive, confused and frustrated. I was submissive. I was dominant. I was submissive. I was a switch. But some man who claimed to be dominant once told me that "the image that gets you off" is who you are. I started paying attention to the images that popped into my head when I was masturbating. They were all submissive images. Actually, they were extremely submissive images.

I am not a submissive person in public. I do not look for the lead I just lead. I have opinions. I am very opinionated. I have a biting humor. I can be acidic. I often challenge. I am dominant. But I am also very submissive and I have been venturing into the life of a slave. It has not been easy but it has been pleasurable. Who I am in public is not who I am in private. Sometimes the contradiction is maddening and sometimes it is energizing and injects me with self-confidence. I have conversations with people and I think that they would never believe that a few days ago I had a ball gag in my mouth and was tied to a door being beaten with a belt. Having the 'normal' conversation and the 'abnormal' thought gets me flustered but I also laugh and get aroused and feel empowered.

Briseis was stolen. She was not a voluntary slave. But when she was taken from Achilles she unwittingly changed the course of the Trojan War. She was a powerful slave and she had an emotional affect on Achilles. The Iliad is fiction so I can fill in the lines as I please. I like to think Briseis was strong and intelligent and was undoubtedly a reluctant slave. But she grew to trust Achilles and found arousal in degradation. Achilles became her Master and she became a willing slave and she found that her heart lifted when Achilles issued an order.

The only thing a woman has to fear is indifference not enslavement. Dominance is passion. Cruelty is passion. All the rest is weakened emotion.